


Pretending

by lilucath



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: F/F, does it count as major character death if they die in the show, dont read unless you have seen ep 3 of season 2, the rest are only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-19 07:53:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9428330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilucath/pseuds/lilucath
Summary: It wasn’t supposed to hurt. Not this much.Margo had lost people before. She had seen family members shrivel up from illness and die. She had known people who had just left without a word, leaving a gaping hole where they had been before.But none of those losses had felt like this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I had too many feelings about the episode last night.. And my brain tried to compensate by thinking about Margo x Alice all day.
> 
> So this is basically how I think how Margo feels about what happened to Alice.

It wasn’t supposed to hurt. Not this much.

 

Margo had lost people before. She had seen family members shrivel up from illness and die. She had known people who had just left without a word, leaving a gaping hole where they had been before.  
But none of those losses had felt like this.

With every heartbeat her name was ripping through her, like a jolt of pain making it impossible to breathe.

_Alice._  
  


_Alice._  
  


_Alice._

 

Emptiness caused by the absence of the blonde girl had fallen over their group and Margo had to watch her two best friends grief. The one hell-bent on finding a way to bring her back.  
The other had completely forgotten about the kingdom he was supposed to rule. Insisting to spend money and resources Fillory didn’t have on a huge monument for the lost Queen.

With her friends completely taken over by the hurt that Alice’s death had brought, Margo tried to tell herself and the others by repeating the lie over and over that Alice had never been their real friend. At least not hers or Eliot's. But her desperate attempts to convince herself more than the others didn’t make it any less true. Alice had been their friend. And Margo missed her. It had only been a few day and, god, she missed Alice. She longed for seeing the girl again. The way Alice used to adjust her glasses or how she fiddled on the seam of her clothes every time she was uncomfortable, how she straightened herself before giving an explanation about something. All those were things Margo wished she could experience at least once more.

On one of her strolls through the palace to get away from everyone looking at her with a mixture of pity and uncertainty if she was about to snap at them or their neck, Margo had found one of her jackets in the gardens. She figured it had been tossed their by Alice while she had taught herself the Rhinemann Ultra. When she had picked it up a whiff of her perfume had crawled into her nose and she would have broken down then and there, if it hadn’t been for the weight of the crown on her head that reminded her of her responsibilities she was carrying.

She only allowed herself to cry at night, the tears she shed for the girl were only meant for Alice, not for everyone else to see. They couldn’t see her weak.

When night fell over Fillory and the two moons wandered over the sky, Margo would lay in bed, silent tears rolling down her cheeks into the soft fabric of Alice jacket she had buried her face in.

 

As soon as she closed her eyes she could see it all again. Alice fighting against the Beast and she felt the stupid second again during which she had allowed herself to hope. To think that this Alice had a chance to win. But then blue flames had started to consume her body, her screams echoing over the clearing. The moment that had felt like an eternity as the Beast had gotten up again until Alice showed up again. How the moth escaped through the opened chest of Martin Chatwin and how Alice had turned towards Quentin the moment the dead Beast had fallen to the ground.

 

She hadn’t noticed it had been her who had screamed Alice’s name. Only when Eliot stepped closer, mumbling about how she had gotten her attention and the rest of her plan.

The stuttered words that had left her mouth, failing at trying to apologize, hadn’t sounded real to her. Her mind had been too consumed by the thought that she had never given herself and Alice a real chance. Her intentions towards the girl had never been genuine, and now the regret for pushing her away, for playing with her, was seeping through the cracks in her armor.

From the moment she had seen Alice tiptoe over the campus, hiding behind her books and glasses she had felt something for her. At first she had thought it was the mean girl in her that saw the perfect victim, but when Alice had rejected her the night at the party, it had actually stung. She hadn’t been prepared for carrying about anyone else besides herself and Eliot. It scared her that every time she heard her laugh, saw her smile she wanted nothing more than just be with her. Controlled by her fear she had pushed her away, tortured her,

Now the girl was standing in front of her again, blue flames flickering over her skin from time to time.

But then she spoke and her words: “You’re talking like you mean something to me.”, making her realize that this wasn’t Alice. She was gone. Her piercing blue eyes, now ice cold without any recognition. All what was left of her was the magic that had burned through her, had consumed the very thing that had once been kind, smart and kickass Alice Quinn. This was no longer her Alice.

The last look she managed to catch of her before Eliot stepped in front of her to shield her, was pleading, begging that a little part of her was still in there. Trying to find a part that could come back to her.

But then Quentin’s muttered words released the demon in his back and as it attacked the blast and Alice desperate screams made her shut her eyes.

And as she opened them again, Alice lifeless body was lying on the ground, burn marks on the earth all around her. Q kept calling her name and she watched him struggle on the ground trying to get to her as Eliot took him into his arms in an attempt to calm him down. His weak words pleading that she might still be alive made Margo’s world cave in and a wave of pain washed over her, threatening to drown her.

 

But she couldn’t allow the pain to take over.  
So every morning Margo got up, her eyes still puffy from crying, head aching from lack of sleep and a weight on her chest pressing on her lungs and her heart. She pulled herself together as much as she could and did what she did best.  
Pretended she didn’t care.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any suggestions or questions or just want to yell at me, come talk to me on tumblr. http://lilucath.tumblr.com


End file.
